


Break like time

by ardvari



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-16
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-10-19 18:56:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10645980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ardvari/pseuds/ardvari
Summary: He had changed in the years since he’d taken Hammond’s spot on Homeworld Security. He’d become harder, maybe a bit more ruthless. The decisions he’d been forced to make over the years had led him to lock a part of himself away, a very emotional part that wasn’t allowed to voice its opinion when he was the one person standing between the planet and an army of attacking… insert alien race here.





	Break like time

**Author's Note:**

> Set right after Incursion pt.1.

**Break like time**

He had changed in the years since he’d taken Hammond’s spot on Homeworld Security. He’d become harder, maybe a bit more ruthless. The decisions he’d been forced to make over the years had led him to lock a part of himself away, a very emotional part that wasn’t allowed to voice its opinion when he was the one person standing between the planet and an army of attacking… insert alien race here. 

Still, he didn’t like the tone of his own voice ordering Young back onto the _Destiny_ , and when he saw the look in Carter’s eyes at having left some of her people behind all he really wanted to do was make sure she’d never have to do that again. 

But this wasn’t the way life worked, and it certainly wasn’t the way she worked, the way _they_ worked. For years he’d watched her walk up that ramp and straight into the ever-present arms of danger. For years he’d been _with_ her. Now she was out there on her own, and while she was doing an exceptionally good job as the commander of the _Hammond_ , he sometimes wished he could take some of that weight she was carrying off her shoulders. 

To make sure that, years from now, she wouldn’t have nightmares about people she’d had to leave behind, about difficult decisions she’d had to make and now regretted. He certainly knew what _that_ felt like.

Closing his office door behind him, he powered up his computer. Big button, little button, password. Easy. Sometimes, after days like this, he allowed himself to indulge in his power, calling her up on her ship to talk to her privately. 

Her face, fuzzy and blurry at first, swam up on his screen, her tired eyes staring right at his even though more miles than he cared to count lay between them. 

“Hey,” he said, taking note of the way her jaw was set, betraying her feelings.

“How’re you?” she asked softly, when he should have been the one to ask her. 

He shrugged because really, this was just another day at the office, maybe a bit more hectic, a bit more dramatic for his liking. She chuckled, a dry, sad sound that made his insides twist uncomfortably. 

“I’m sorry about what happened today. You made the right decision.”

There was a moment of silence when she turned away, closed her eyes, looked weary of the world, of the universe. 

“Didn’t feel right,” she whispered. 

“Never does, Sam.” He wished he could say more to her, be more reassuring. He wished his words didn’t sound so devoid of emotion, as if the loss of good people today was easily dismissed. 

Her eyes filled with tears, tears he knew wouldn’t fall. She’d looked at him that way before, pleading with him and back then he’d been able to close the gap between them to pull her into his arms. Now the only thing he could do was look back at her, hoping his eyes would tell her all the things he couldn’t say to her. 

Clearing her throat, she finally looked away, running a hand through her hair. He could hear the sigh that escaped her and knew he had failed, that tonight she’d crawl into bed alone, would be haunted by her decisions, and there was nothing he could do. 

“Coming home in a few days?” he asked, breaking the silence even though he knew the answer. 

“Yeah,” she nodded, leaned back in her chair.

“Maybe we can get out for a couple of days, really leave,” he said, his voice hopeful. 

She seemed to think about the offer for a moment, playing around with the possibilities in her head. Where could they possibly go for her to forget, truly forget this oh, so very hard part of the job she was doing?

“Minnesota?” she asked softly. 

“If that’s what you want, sure.”

“I don’t know what I want, Jack. World peace. _Universal_ peace. The ability to sleep through the night. Some fresh air. _You_ , here. Whatever,” she said, shaking her head and closing her eyes tiredly. 

“Sam…” His tone was full of warning as he shifted uncomfortably in his chair. There was nothing, absolutely _nothing_ he could do for her right now. That, more than anything else, made him choke on all the things he should have, could have said to her. 

“Don’t,” she whispered, shaking her head. “Don’t worry about me.”

But he did, more and more each day, making it harder and harder to put the planet’s needs above hers. Deep inside, he wanted her home, right now. He wanted her safe and with him and happy. This was the job she loved to do though, and he had no right to take that away from her, not that he could have. Even though this had been a particularly bad day, tomorrow things would look up, tomorrow morning she’d report to him again with fresh eyes and a few hours between her and the moment she’d had to make a decision she deeply regretted. Tomorrow Colonel Carter would be all business again, the fissures in her soul she was showing off now for him to see patched up again. She’d be a little worse for the wear but she’d be… fine. As fine as any of them would ever be. 

“Two days, I’m counting down.”

He put his index finger against his lips before he pressed the closest thing to a kiss he could give her to the screen. She placed her fingers over his, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. It was a sad one that didn’t even attempt to reach her eyes but he wasn’t picky. It was a start.

“Me, too.”


End file.
